[here's your warning for some explicit language]
I had another ride with Kokanee today, that was not good. But based on how the rest of the day was going, that wasn't exactly a surprise.
Me and him are just not a good match anymore, we were ages ago after Rocky, we did well enough together then, but not anymore.
This happens a lot, getting yelled at or being made to feel stupid. I don't think she actually wants you to feel that way, because she's actually really nice, and I know there's a lot of crazy-ass, genuinely mean coaches out there. But it still happens a lot, even before I took that break from riding last term.
The other thing is, I really just don't feel like I'm learning anything from her anymore. It has been just over 8 years at this same barn and I've talked about the plateau before, but after today, I think we've reached a bit of a tipping point. Unless another W/Pony situation happens along then there's no way to go forward, we are stuck. Stuck on lesson horses that sometimes have potential to go far and jump high, except being lesson horses, they need longevity and K doesn't want them going above like 2'6" I think it is. With higher heights or a horse like Pony or Spencer, where there's lots of insanity or things to work on, it's different because there's lots of opportunities to learn and grow, but we're done now. It's basically flat lined so, I'm thinking, fairly seriously about finding a new barn. I've looked around on the internet for a few after Pony left and the one I really liked is a 45min drive away. There's a barn, literally a 30min WALK from my place in the city, what could be better?! Well, unless you have your own horse, it's really only a place for beginner students. There's a few of their old students at the barn I'm at now. I hate moving barns though, you have to make new friends and figure out how they do things and all that sort of stuff. Plus, it's been 8 years! It's a bit hard to leave after that.
I'm not going to be leasing Java, I'd have to pay for the lease plus lessons (which are expensive now) so that sucks ass. Speaking of Java, I'm buying a pair of tall boots from her owner! Hooray, I love tall boots, they're some really nice Ariat ones, they don't quite fit, so we're going to get them stretched a bit at the tack shop and then they will hopefully be good to go!
The barn is hosting a Dale Erwin (not to be confused with the natural horsemanship guy Chris Erwin) clinic in April (or March, I don't even remember) and I'd quite like to go, but he's soooo expensive, and I'd have to take fucknut Kokanee (that was his nickname when I liked him and we got a long, it's meant nicely). So I don't know what's going to happen with anything right now, but I can say that I am very much regretting having gone back to riding this semester as of tonight.
There's nothing worse than feeling like and practically being told that you suck ass at something you have spent your whole life work on and love so much.
I actually had a dream last night about competing in a few of the A level shows that I was thinking about doing this summer and had the most crippling nerves in the dream and then woke up because they were so intense and it was hard to go back to sleep because I was actually really nervous.
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